Forgiveness Therapy Helps Parents Cope With Child's Suicide

When a child dies by their own hand in suicide, parents' grief over the loss of a child can be compounded by anger at the child for committing such an act and burdensome guilt in themselves for failing to prevent it. A promising therapy focusing on forgiveness may offer hope to these suffering parents.

Teen suicide and its aftermath remain a staggering problem in the U.S. which has reached double the rates of adolescent suicide of any other industrialized nation, according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Between 1970 and 1990 the rate of suicide among U.S. teens more than tripled, becoming the second leading cause of death, outstripped only by accidents.

Along with suicide prevention, a critical need for effective programs to deal with the psychological trauma of the surviving relatives of suicide victims has become the focus of recent research.

Drs. Radhi H. Al-Mabuk and William R. Downs of the Center for the Study of Adolescents at the University of Northern Iowa document a particularly promising approach for helping parents whose teens committed suicide. Shown effective in treating persons with other psychological trauma, this program focuses on teaching parents to "forgive" their dead child, breaking the cycle of emotionally trapping themselves in the event. Michael McCullough, Ph.D., of the National Institute for Healthcare Research (NIHR), has done extensive research on the role of forgiveness in mental health. "Dr. Al-MabukÌs theories about the role of forgiveness in coping with suicide are consistent with recent studies emphasizing the unique role forgiveness may play in counseling and psychotherapy." he says.

Following a childÌs suicide, a parent often does not confront the hurtful event, the researchers explain, instead setting up defenses to avoid dealing with the pain. But over time the parent often becomes angry, even hateful toward the dead child, yet also feels deep shame. They often continually relive the hurtful event over and over, held hostage by their feelings.

In forgiveness therapy, the therapists first help the parent face and release their anger toward the dead child and an "unjust" world. The parents are helped to realize their own coping strategies arenÌt working so they can decide whether to choose to work on forgiving their child.

Steps toward forgiveness include developing empathy for the child and the childÌs suffering, accepting the pain that was unfairly placed on them, and seeing their own imperfections as well as their child's so they can forgive. This creates an internal, emotional release.

"Forgiveness is important in diminishing anger, guilt, anxiety, depression, and resolving physical complications," as well as increasing hope and self-esteem, note the researchers.

Reference: Al-Mabuk, Radhi H., and Downs, William R. (1996). "Forgiveness Therapy with Parents of Adolescent Suicide Victims." Journal of Family Psychotherapy 7(2): 21-39.